New Year's Eve - The Perfect Year - Dina Carroll

I'd like to say a huge thank you to everyone who has supported me - via word and deed - this December. This has been a hugely emotional project this year, and at times I didn't think I had the strength to get through it. Something drove me on though and I am enormously proud of this calendar and the stories I've told. For (probably) one year only, I am adding a particular New Year post. Christmas Eve told the tale of when I first told Gail I loved her; this New Year's Eve story is when we finally decided that we had to follow our hearts instead of our heads. 

Dedicated to the love of my life. For as long as I see Christmas and New Year in this world, it will always be you, Pet. 

It's six years later. New Year's Eve 1993 at Xenon Nightclub in Piccadilly. The intervening years have been a vain attempt to right a supposed wrong. He's tried; she's tried. In fact, she tried so hard she even married another man and moved to the end of the country, hoping that by putting at least half-a-dozen counties between them, it couldn't possibly survive. It's not worked though. Sometimes through lack of will on the part of one or other of them; sometimes through astonishing examples of coincidence - one so ridiculous that even Richard Curtis filming a lovelorn scene for one of his movies would have rejected it as being simply too preposterous - they find themselves once again together on a night they should both be elsewhere. She's even wearing a dress he bought for her earlier in the week.

The club is nowhere as busy as it should have been. It's as if everyone has just had enough of drinking and making merry. Even the DJ seems to lack heart in the venture. He puts on a number of slow songs as one-year ticks over to the next. This song comes on; a show tune from an Andrew Lloyd Webber musical that neither of them would normally give house room too. Tonight though, it sounds different. As they dance slowly, holding onto each other, the words drip into their consciousness; the close dance becomes something else as they seem to meld together. Eventually, they turn their heads to look directly at one another. 

We don't need a crowded ballroom / Everything we need is hear / If you're with me / Next year will be / The Perfect Year.

Nothing was said but they both knew. It was time to stop denying themselves. By April, they had made it the Perfect Year.

    

The Spirit of Christmas Past

Day 25 - This Christmas Day - Jessie J

Released this November, Jessie has seemingly peered into my soul and written this in response, nailing it with a sprig of holly to my heart and reminding me of this day, this year for as long as I walk this planet. 

I know you're somwhere that's beautiful in every way / I know you're somewhere that I will be with you one day / I know you're right there / I close my eyes and hear you say you love me / And that will never change / And I love you on this Christmas Day

God bless ya, Jess

Sweet Dreams

Day 24 - Christmas Eve - Gwen Stefani

It starts. 24th December 1987. Neither of them are where they are supposed to be. They know and feel the wrong in it, but can do nothing about it. The busy and merry day has given way to a hinterland of desolation. Others, more enlightened, are either where they are supposed to be or making their way there. The shops have closed, the pubs are emptying. Eventually, even they have to give in to the inevitability of it. It's High Wycombe station, under the clock. There's a 'Brief Encounter' joke; a 'speak after the break' entreaty, they embrace for a moment too long, they kiss for a moment even longer, he turns to go and says 'Merry Christmas' then adds 'I Love You'. He hadn't meant to say it, it just came out because it was the truth. He looks at her to see what her reaction will be. Should he apologise? Explain he 'hadn't meant it'. She looks at him, she says nothing but doesn't have to. She doesn't need to say it back. It's in her eyes, the eyes they say 'I know you have to go but don't go'. The train is approaching. He turns to go. He knows she is watching him all the way onto the platform. He turns and she is still looking at him. He waves and gets onto the train. He knows she is still staring at it until it pulls out of sight. They've reached a point and there is no going back. Ever.

29th July 2018. It ends. But it won't really ever end.

For anyone who is searching this Christmas Eve.

I can't see in this darkness
So in need of forgiveness
Before all of my faith dies
Show me the way like a northern light
Come find me 'cause I can't find myself

I'm looking for you on Christmas Eve
All over the world, the angels see
But I'm feeling lost, can you save me
I'm looking for you on Christmas Eve
I'm looking for you on Christmas Eve

Don't know how I got where I am
Hurting so much, I need healing
All I have is what I can pray
Send me your mercy I need your grace

I'm looking for you on Christmas Eve
All over the world, the angels see
But I'm feeling lost, can you save me
I'm looking for you on Christmas Eve

Day 23 - What Child Is This - Rod Stewart

We're in the home straight now - don't forget there are 25 windows on the Blagg Calendar - so expect things to get highly emotional.

Lady B loved Rod and we stayed an extra Saturday night in Vegas a few years back to see him perform at Caesars Palace. I pointed out the whole thing cost about 500 ton when Rod only lived down the road and was playing the O2 later in the year, but so glad now we did what we did.

This is a track not found on Rod's 'Merry Christmas Baby' album; don't know why as it's packed with feeling and quite lovely.

Day 22 - I'll Be Home For Christmas - Doris Day

L.A. based singer J.C. Bentley (JC Bentley) has been a good friend to Blagg Acres since the days before there was even a Blagg Acres. J.C. was devastated by Gail's passing in July and has been hugely supportive to me, probably running up a fortune in transatlantic phone calls.

Earlier this month J.C. presented a Christmas in the UK show in LA and sung this song for Gail and dedicated it to both of us. The idea was that the whole thing was filmed so I could add it here but, sadly, the ghost got into the machine and nothing was recorded. 

I couldn't leave it off the Calendar this year though, but then choosing a suitable alternative version was so hard as there are dozens of excellent ones out there. I plumped for Doris because ... well, because you should always plump for La Day given the opportunity! 

The Girl On The Train (Reprise)

I love it when the internet gives back to you. I got an email today from someone asking me if I was going to be 'spending Christmas at a quiet Oxfordshire hotel' and, if so, if I was intending on 'travelling there by train'. Thank you to that person for their dedication to the cause and making me smile. This may not mean much except to those with good memories, or those who troll through the Calendar every year looking for some obscure track; but this reference is to a Christmas Ghost story that I wrote that appeared on the 2015 Calendar, although I originally had it published in a magazine in 1997. Anyone reading the story now will recognise the 'Woman on the Train' and, although a few years out in age, the traveller. It feels very weird to be reading this now, although it does impact on another, happier memory. I went to a Christmas literary evening in a Colchester pub a couple of years ago. The idea of the evening was that you sat in an old English setting, in front of a roaring log fire in a room lit by candles and read out your favourite Yule related stories and poems. Most read from Dickens, Thomas and Larkin etc. which was wonderful, but I decided to read 'The Girl on the Train' because I wanted to see how it went down. I remember hearing Gail say 'My God' as I read out a description of the girl as she knew who I had based it on. Well, it went down very well indeed with many coming up and saying how much they loved the story although I didn't tell anyone I wrote it as, frankly, I felt embarrassed to say. Not so Gail. She made sure everyone knew her 'husband had written it' and insisting it was the best thing of the evening (which was flattering but better than Dickens, Thomas and Larkin? I don't think so!). I loved the evening, but what stuck with me was Gail being so proud of me and her passion in telling everyone something I couldn't say myself. God, I miss you so much Pet. I was just as proud of you as you were of me; I loved the way you were quite happy to go in to bat for me and I adored the way you dealt with the organiser of the event who got sniffy with me because I had the temerity to read out something I'd written myself and usurp his little fiefdom when I got more compliments than he did for his own tedious story from his childhood.
Anyway, you can read - or re-read - the story by clicking on the link below. I'd like you to do that; not for the sake of the story that's over 20 years old now anyway, but because I'd like to associate the story with that evening in the pub and the wonderful memory I have of my gorgeous Gail; the real Girl on the Train.. Oh, by the way, I am NOT spending Christmas in an Oxfordshire hotel but I will be travelling home alone on a train...

Girl On The Train

Day 21 - 364 Days - Murder City Devils

All the way from Seattle come the Devils and if this doesn't have you placing the Eggnog back in the drinks cabinet and declining another Heston Mince Pie then nothing will.

Saint Nicholas, Saint Nicolas at the North Pole / 364 days spend all alone / Take off your boots, pour a drink / Try not to cry, try not to think

Day 20 - Christmas In Jail - The Youngsters

This is what happens when you drink and drive, Kids. Just say NO!

Day 19 - Six Days To Xmas - Betty Lloyd

Ms Lloyd - about whom I know absolutely nothing - with a gorgeous seasonal soul ode that also doubles as 'Snowflake' on another label and with a different songwriting team even though the song is identical. At least you have six days to work it out.

Day 18 - Lonely This Christmas - Mud

When I started this calendar, the original idea was to move away from the hoary old classics that filled up the shopping malls from late October onwards. Over the years though, I've not been adverse to throwing in the odd staple as a nod to the season and because I like to think that everyone can find something here they can relate too. 

For me though, I'd always felt Les Gray and his pals had their tongues too firmly in their cheeks to really enjoy this for much more than a seventies memory jolt. This year though I felt compelled to add it to the blog because, for the first time ever, I've found something in the lyrics I'd always previously missed.

Since 1974, when this first got to Number One in the UK charts, I'd always assumed Les's woman and up and left for another but, with newly grieving ears, I've found a whole new and much more poignant meaning to this in 2018.

Day 17 - A Christmas Fucking Miracle - Run The Jewels

EL-P and Killer Mike with a festive video of sorts; a track from their 2013 debut.

Day 16 - The Wexford Carol - The Chieftains with Nanci Griffith

A gorgeous rendition of the Wexford Carol by the Irish traditionalists who, staggeringly, have now been performing since 1963. Here the additional vocals of Texan Nanci Griffith just add to the Celtic atmosphere.

Is there anything sadder than leaving something 'for next year' and never seeing it being used?

Day 15 - Call Me For Christmas - Gary U.S. Bonds

Apparently, due to 'circumstances beyond his control', our Gary had to part from his woman in 1967 and this is him calling her home. At least she's out there to call back Gaz, me old festive china. 

Day 14 - A Christmas Carol - Tom Lehrer

Ninety years of age and still with us, Tom Lehrer was known for his satirical output and they don't come more so than this song about 'the true meaning of Christmas... money!'

Day 13 - Christmas Time Will Soon Be Over - Fiddlin' John Carson

Oh Great! And I 've only just finished writing me cards out! 

Day 12 - Christmas Boogie - Canned Heat

Four minutes plus of unmitigated Christmas cheer.

Day 11 - Cardboard Christmas Boxes - Alan Hull

On a bad day for me personally, here's one of the North-East's finest in the shape of Lindisfarne's Alan Hull with a song to remind you that - though it may not always seem like it - there are those worse off.

Day 10 - Christmas Time Is Here Again - The Beatles

And just to show I don't just chuck this thing together, here's the real band with a track that was originally to be found on a 1967 fan club flexi disc (ask your Grandparents), before being released again as the B side (ask your Grandparents again) of the 'Free As A Bird' single in 1995. There is a six minute version available but, as it's little more than a throwaway, it does outstay its welcome a bit.

Update: This disappears with alarming regularity so it's worth a YouTube / Google search if this isn't below

Day 9 - Good King Wenceslas - The Fab Four

It's been a few years since we heard from the Fabs and I think it's time they made another appearance. Latecomers to the Calendar might not be aware of their oeuvre but The Fabs are, in fact, a Californian based Beatles tribute band whose 'Hark!' album features twenty Christmas songs that sound exactly like existing Beatles tracks. 'Wenceslas' here is done in the style of 'Tell Me What You See' from Help! and is just masterful in its execution.   

Try singing the original track over this or, better still, play the Help! track and see how soon you're singing the Carol instead. Just wonderful!

   

Day 8 - London Lights - Tom Chaplin

Keane frontman Chaplin with a twinkling pop gem so romantic that it will have you running down to the new Adult Superstore on the A12 for a pack of Christmas Pudding flavour condoms.

Day 7 - Christmas Done Got Funky - Jimmy Jules & the Nuclear Soul System

The first Friday party night of Advent and how can you not do the Watusi to this seasonal soul stormer? 

Tonight in 2018, I'm going to a reunion of work colleagues - now friends - that I worked with at a well-known fruit importing company based in London's Mayfair back when men were men, women were grateful and a computer was a Big Blue monolith filling the whole downstairs floor of a building. The venue for the reunion is the same Mayfair pub where we used to hold the famous Christmas parties that I was responsible for organising. It was to one of these parties that I invited Gail - then nominally one of my 'suppliers of IT consumables' and that night...well, THAT night.

I'm pretty sure I did the Watusi then too....

So This Is Christmas...

I've amused myself in grief today.

Gail was the interior designer - had she been well enough she could have done it professionally - and every Christmas the house was a coordinated colour of light, shimmer, white fur and glamour. I was responsible for the outside; something which every year Lady B disapproved off, insisting it looked as if a 'ten year old had thrown them out' and declared to be 'gopping' (Geordie for awful) - and that was on a good day!

Frankly, I didn't much feel liking putting up lights this year but I was on the horns of a dilemma. If I didn't do it then I could hear Gail say "Oh, so you wait till I've gone and then you decide not to be those bloody awful things up!". So, this morning, watched only by four cats I put up the outside lights. Now, they're done and I can stand back and hear her say "Fook me, they still look terrible!"

Next, to recreate her genius inside. Wish me luck on this one...

Day 6 - What Will Santa Claus Say (When He Finds Everybody Swingin') - Louis Prima

Or rather what would Louis Prima say if he knew what the title of his song would mean in the 21st Century? All the way from 1939 comes this jazz gem from the U.S. trumpeter and bandleader. If nothing else the label from the 78 should fill you with seasonal joy.

Day 5 - Cryin' Christmas Tears - Eric Clapton

' Nuff Said

Day 4 - Blue Christmas - Elvis Presley & Martina McBride

Grief is an odd thing.

Morrisons, a train to Liverpool Street, a Mini showroom, an Italian restaurant in Brighton over an excellent bowl of Spaghetti Bolognese; all have been places where I have inexplicably burst into tears since July's event, despite holding it together at what might otherwise be considered to be the normal time and place for a good cry.

To be honest, Blue Christmas is one of those faux-sentimental Christmas songs that had pretty much passed me by over the years yet, last week, in the fast lane of the M42, I suddenly went into floods when it came onto the generic fruit-based device. Unable to move over to the inside lane because of weight of traffic and unable to stop, I drove for the best part of 20 miles gulping air and wiping tears from my cheeks.

Repeated plays haven't elicited the same response and I wouldn't have felt duty-bound to add it the calendar until I came across this live version with Elvis and Ms McBride, the duet is superb and it's worth it just to see Presley looking so effortlessly cool.

Day 3 - Thanks For Christmas - The Three Wise Men

It won't be a surprise once you've clicked on the link but The Three Wise Men are none other than Andy Partridge and his friends in XTC bringing us gifts of a merry ditty under a seasonal non-de-plume.

Day 2 - Hark The Herald Angels Sing - Johnny Cash

I think we've all been coming here long enough to know the drill by now; pointless self-imposed rules to make my life harder. In this case the fact that Sunday's on the calendar need to be a Carol.

And here's Johnny! Intriguingly changing key throughout, with a harmonising choir to make the whole thing a fascinating exercise in Carol singing.

Day 1 - This Time Of Year (When Christmas Is Near) - Etta James

All the way from 1959 when Christmas was a very different beast, comes Etta with a smoky jazz ode to the season. Catch Red Holloway on that tenor sax! 

If you have someone to hold, then hold them tight now. 

Lady Blagg

On July 29th this year, my world came crashing down when I lost my beautiful, talented,  unique, vibrant, funny, love of my life. 

Gail. or Lady Blagg as she has been know on my blogs since I first came onto the WWW in 1998, was a woman who could light up a room; someone who stopped conversation when she walked in. A brilliant force of nature who seemed to have been given every one of those gifts that we all aspire too - popularity, wit, intelligence, elegance and mesmerism - Gail was sadly inhibited by a cruel twist of fate that dictated that, if she was to have all these good things, then she would have to deal with poor health too.

Gail's cross came in the form of SLE, or Lupus as it is better known, a cruel and vicious disease that blighted her life. There was barely a day she wasn't in pain, hardly a month where some new flare-up didn't raise its head, but she bore this with stoicism - to the outside world anyway -  although at home she suffered from the type of crisis of confidence that often affects those who spend too much time with the Doctor or at the hospital. Lady B refused to ever let her illness get the better of her though. She always dressed immaculately and always looked at her best. Naturally, to add to her gifts she could wear virtually anything and make it look good.

Christmas was our time. I first told her I loved her underneath the clock at High Wycombe station  - take that Noel Coward! - on Christmas Eve and the season seemed to define us. Romantic and exciting, we always made sure that, whatever happened, we always celebrated the weeks leading up to the day itself in the best way we could. Quite how I am going to negotiate Christmas 2018 is, frankly, beyond me.

And so to the Calendar...

It would be only too easy here to say 'She'd have wanted me to carry on' but that would be a bon mot with little basis in reality. In fact, Gail regarded my predilection for seeking out obscure Christmas songs in much the same way as I would watch my cat Buzz chase his tail while inside a box; amused but with a slightly superior grin that said "Well, he seems to get some pleasure from it and it it keeps him out of harms way". 

Both Gail and I were/are complex and not as people often see us - it was one of the reasons we found an affinity even though, to the casual observer, we were entirely different. She may have posted the odd song on her own social media occasionally and, underneath it, I believe she quite liked the fact I had something to do that interested me but, had I, for some bizarre reason, managed to ask her if it was OK to carry on after she'd left her reply would probably be something like "I'm not likely to give  a fuck what you do, am I?"

The fact is though, this isn't about what Gail would have wanted or what people expect or want me to do. It's about what I can do. And, as it stands, I don't know if I've got the will to see this through... but I will have a try. If you return here some years hence and find this calendar stops suddenly and there's no more after it then you know what happened. 

Christmas 2018 then. Despite what I wrote when I set this blog up last December, there probably is a 'need to be afraid'.